I’m going to spend the next few days regretting every brining forth life on to this planet doing the first day of school thing with the boys.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
bashes head to wall/table/any hard surface available.
My life, for ‘normal’.
Seriously. MY LIFE. ‘Cause this one sucks.
Both boys will be at school for most of my day. Midsized boy will be in the morning only, but biggest boy again will be gone morning and afternoon.
I begin the freak out now.
This has been a week of dwindling patience on my part. Acting out in any and all inappropriate ways on their parts. I am terrified.
It doesn’t help that I’m being offered ‘help and advice’ daily by someone who is involved with biggest boys afternoons this week. I am trying very hard to be friendly and thankful and such. But no, I am not interested in which programs are where and what might work best. I’m sorry, but I am not seeking out more stuff to tell me how to cope with his behaviour. I am seeking out stuff to FIX his behaviour. I am long past the coping stage.
Some days I wish I was more in to the granola crunching sector… I could just sit back and announce that I have an indigo child and let it be. Sadly, I live in the real world and indigo is just a colour, not a type of life my child should lead.
Yes, I have read up on indigo children, I have the first book, tattered and read to death… alas, not convinced that biggest boy is one.
Direct quote.
Some years ago, people started to talk about specific troubles with their kids. So what else is new? Children are often the greatest blessing in a life, and also the greatest challenge. Many books have been written about good parenting and child psychology, but what we noticed was different.
We started hearing more and more about a new kind of child, or at least a new kind of problem for the parent. The difficulties were odd in nature, in that they represented an interchange between adult and child that was unexpected and seemingly atypical of what our generation had experienced. We ignored it until we started hearing it from the professionals who deal specifically with children. They also were reporting similar challenges. Many were exasperated and at their wit’s end. Day-care workers all over the nation, some of whom had worked in their profession for over thirty years, were also telling us the same kind of stories about how things were somehow different with the kids. Then we saw something that was horrifying. When these “new” problems became acute, there was an overwhelming propensity to solve the issue by legally drugging the child!
Trust me… there are days that I really really want to drug my child. Some days I’d give anything for a normal child.
Today being one of them.
Yesterday I was so exhausted I think my body was too numb to be hurting.
Today is different.
Today, every hip squeeze, sacrum pressure point, leg push, holding up and leaning against moment is coming back to haunt me.
Good haunting memories… but
OUCH.
Going to see if message therapist can see me, right after I see her sister to get the bones back in place (chiropractor)…
Excuse me while I go try and function.
AND, just for the supreme sock goddess…
biggest boys new hobby!
photo note for blindmama biggest boy now knows how to knit! SO COOL!
I’m not so frustrated today!
Here is hoping for the only high temper-atures today are the climate ones.
Biggest boy has had a really rough day today. Lots of tears, his hands have been curled in to fists more often than not. Screaming at his siblings and his parents.
Oh… it has been a long hard day. All I want to do right now is hop in the van and run away. I have no where to really run to… snuffle. I don’t want to run to ‘avoid the problem’ … I just want to remove myself from the anger and frustration.
As the two of us sat on the couch snuffling and sobbing… I kept telling him that this upset and frustrated mummy just as much as it did him. It isn’t easy knowing your favourite first boy is so sad! He seemed to let that sink in a bit.
Its just hard when your child decides to make himself a sign with ‘I’m such a idiot’ for on his shirt. I did not react very well to that one. I totally flipped out on him. I explained, for the fourth time, that he wasn’t sent to his room because we thought that. He was sent to his room to calm down and make some better choices with his behaviour, actions and words. I couldn’t get him to make eye contact at all today. =(
Some days I just wish we could say ‘yes. THIS is what is ‘wrong’ with him… now lets work on getting him THIS help.’
But of course nothing is that simple.
Tonight while riding his bike, we ran in to a classmate from up the street. He stayed and played for a bit… when husband said it was time to go… all hell broke loose. I hate my life, I never do anything good… husband could barely get him to even say good bye. Whereas midsized boy ( this family has boys the same ages as them!) cheerfully said good bye and see you later little friend.
Needless to say, this is why we don’t get to play with other children all that much. I wish I could make it better for him. I guess that is my job huh? Now… to figure out a game plan.
I got to hold my son for the first time.
I’d been in labour since early this morning. At around four they figured out he turned to a funky breech position. At six forty-five… he was taken from my abdomen.
Shortly before eight I got back to my room and finally got to hold him.
It was a long difficult time after his birth. It was long. It was difficult. It was hard.*
Today was good. Three good friend, a brother and sister, grandparents, cake and presents and a piñata (grandparents gift to him).
Loads of fun.
It has been a long hard road with biggest boy. I’m not sure if it will be any easier in the years to come… but I’m sure the bumpy road we had from the beginning has paved the way for us to survive all that awaits us.
ringing the buzzer at the top
*not that the pregnancy itself was a piece of cake… ohhh hyperemesis gravidarum… YOU SUCK!
things to get done in the next twelve hours.
I’ve sorted the linen closet. I’ve cleaned out my side of the wardrobe. I’ve got the garbage all settled in bags… except upstairs… that is for before bedtime. Then it can go out in the morning. Dishes are mostly clean. Fridge is sorted and tossed. Yard… we won’t discuss the yard. I’m not in the mood to mow in the dark.
Good day, sort of. Biggest boy is regressing to some serious attitude and I’m getting frazzled. Here is hoping that husband has a smidgen of patience and can calm him down a little better than I have the last few days.
Geeze…
Spent a totally enjoyable evening watching two bottles of ‘grape juice’ get emptied. I’d like to say I helped, but I didn’t. I had a few sips of each bottle and that was about it for me. Such a cheap date am I!
Tomorrow involves dress rehearsal for biggest boy… and I’m getting brunch out of the deal. Okay, so I’m walking a few blocks and having brunch with the sock goddess and hopefully another knitter friend. Either way, I’m stoked about eating out.
I should go to bed.
Biggest boy was ‘helped’ off the play structure at school just before the bell rang after lunch yesterday. Because he had bumped his head, the school policy is to call home.
I’d like to say again… I LOVE HIS TEACHER…
“Well, he’s had some ice on it and was rather more concerned about not getting to participate in gym class. Ms. gym teacher is keeping a close eye on him, but he is moving rather fast for her taste after a knock to the head.”
Yeah, that is my boy. Anyway, I told her to give me a call if anything changes, if not… I’ll be by as usual to get him at 3:30.
Unremarkable afternoon and we head home to get some early supper and such. I had some concerns about rock climbing but he seemed fine. Except… he didn’t want to play outside. So he sat and wanted to watch Sponge Bob Square Pants or some such drivel. I went to get supper started… reminding myself what to look for with head trauma. Go to check on him and he is asleep. Only when seriously sick does this kid sleep in daylight hours. I call health links, as I’m checking his pupils for reaction and symmetry.
He doesn’t want to wake up, then his eyes roll back.
I am told to hang up and call an ambulance.
Neighbour takes care of the littles and I leave with biggest boy.
Yes, I’ll skip to the end here, he is fine. Doc checked him over, told us that a bit of puking, headache and such are nothing to really get upset about. Sore neck, not wanting to move his head… don’t bother doing anything else but call an ambulance, leave the wristband on for 24 hours if he goes to school tomorrow. That way they’d have all the information if something happens. Yeah, that meant that I got to have the ‘okay, if he starts to vomit over and over OR if he complains of a sore neck/can’t move his head… don’t bother to call me. Call the ambulance first’ with his teacher.
I tried not to worry today. 99% sure he is fine said the pediatrician on call who saw him. But heck, that one percent can scare the bejeebers out of a person.
I am done.
Done.
Done.
Done.
Today, midsized boy insisted on bringing his ‘teddies’ to the school to pick up biggest boy.
And can we guess where the teddies are now?
Yeah. Me neither.
To add to my stu
and this was where I had to haul myself upstairs to put wee girlie back in to bed for the bizillionth time and calm biggest boy down because he is scared of dying?
Shoot me now.
So to add to my stupidity, I decided to convert the crib to the toddler bed for wee girlie. Bad idea, no sleep happening for either of us. ’nuff said.
Biggest boy. Where to start… I can barely understand him when he gets on these obsessions. Death, dying, turning in to bones, how am I going to die mommy? This was what I could understand of his hysterical crying/sobbing/rubbing eyes and wiping nose moments. Tried my best to alleviate his fears, not sure how well I did though. I kept asking every few sentences who was talking about death with him. Was this something someone at school said? Never got an answer worth believing out of him. I think someone/something has happened and set him off. The entire day since lunch time has been one huge fit waiting to engulf us all. Doesn’t help that I’ve been obsessing over what the heck I’m going to do to prepare them all for my fathers death. Which I know I’m going to have to do sooner than later.
seriously… got a gun? Shoot me now.
*and we won’t get in to my counting down the days until husband goes to camp! no no no we won’t get in to the fact that I could probably even get so obsessed that I’ll go in to how many hours!
Came the voice of biggest boy in the back of the van…
Making a hat, I replied.
Is that the same stuff like the socks?
No, this is called acrylic.
Mom?
Yes.
It squeaks.
Yes, that it does.
I just couldn’t bring myself to make a 40$ hat… for either my child or the husband.
I’ve scrubbed down almost every surface in this house at least three times in the last two weeks…
Bedding on each bed has been changed, at least twice… some of us had to sleep on towels because we ran out of sheets. The duvets have all been washed and ‘over dried’ which means they were put through past the automatic shut off the environmentally friendly dryer of mine does…. so the germs would be fried.
And yet…. biggest boy was taken sobbing from school this morning… cause his ’stomach hurts sooo much, but I can’t miss making an inukshuk!!!!!’ Bless his teacher, she sent home enough rocks to make at least two! So he has had the wee crust of french bread left over from yesterday… I have to get some applesauce made while wee girlie sleeps… Husband has been instructed to bring home white rice. Yes, there are downfalls to eating whole grain/healthy.
Now that I think of it… I’ll put some bread in the machine too. I have some plain unbleached flour that will do the trick.
Can I get sick next? Will they take care of me? puhleeeeeze!
for all the vomit emitted from biggest boy last night…
how is that for an opening line? If it weren’t for that… I’d have appreciated the time change much more… seems like 8:00 when they got up for the day, not the usual seven or sooner.
I am so sick and tired of … sick and tired.
So not doing church this weekend. Going to let husband sleep a bit more, then MY TURN!
*on a good note, the victims were just our bed, his bed and four pairs of pj’s… awesome! Huzzah! improvement!
Oh so awesome a day.
Husband went to put on his coat and the phone rang… 
Hell hath frozen over here! SQUEEEEE! We went by the Tim Horton’s and bought biggest boys teacher a coffee to stabilize her for the day… you know because of the hypeduponsugarandthethoughtofaparty kids who are a little more rambunctious than usual. a tinge… like an avalanche is a bit of snow tinge.
I baked cookies, and decorated them with the organic, vegetable based food colouring! Take that competi-mommies!
Do I rock or what?
Then this afternoon, we ran errands. I finally found ear candling candles. Oh Lord love a duck, by tomorrow I’ll be able to hear again! And…. these, I looked at the price…. ummm whoa. Someone did not mark that right. Yes, that is the organic cotton Lunapads! Two of them, with two liners. All for less than 15$ Canadian… drop jaw now!
The ones I’ve been making are a little different. But not by much. Awesome. I can use the liners I made in these ones too!
Yes, too much information. I’ll stop now.
Biggest boy is home from school today. A hard choice. The weekend was a little much for him. Spent a lot of it very frustrated and angry and crying. So the option of going to school today was presented to him. Usually he chooses to go and is fine while there. I warn the teacher and she mocks me at lunch and after-school… and we go about our days.
‘I think I need a break mommy. I don’t want to be like this at school’.
Fine by me kiddo. It is -37 with the windchill this morning. Fine by me!
I know that there is something wrong with biggest boy. I’m just not sure what. Neither are the and I use this term loosely ‘professionals’ who are involved with this quest. They agreed that last years doctor teacher was off base with the adhd diagnosis she proceeded to label him with to all staff. I’m still peeved at the lack of professional conduct this person had. But hey… who am I? The lowly parent who proceeds to make her life a nightmare since I found my spine.
I still think Aspergers. But the clinical psych person does not see enough ‘markers’ for it. I don’t know. I just don’t know. Guess it all comes down to how to ‘deal’ with him. And yes, I said ‘deal’. Each child has their own personality and needs to be met. Each child reacts to things in their own way. I got slammed the other night for not just pulling him from the public school system and homeschooling him.
Why thank you for making me feel like even more of a crappy parent than usual. I’m sure that you know exactly what my son, does and does not need. Seeing as you have never even spent any amount of time with him… I’ll take your slam and continuing comments (despite my brutal honesty in an effort to stop the conversation) under consideration.
I had thought about it. I still do some days. Sadly. I have a child who does not interact appropriately with peers much of the time. The only way he will ever be able to learn is in a group setting. With one vehicle and the single income earner who takes it away every morning … group settings for this particular homeschooled child would be minimal, if ever. So, in a way, I’m setting him up for failure and learning all at once by sending him to the dreaded public school.
Now be it told. He loves school this year. He practically sprints there every morning. He is always thrilled to show off his work, his spelling words, his art projects. It is those times I think that he will eventually be okay. Maybe.
I don’t know. I just don’t know. But I guess if we were equipped with all the answers as parents, life wouldn’t be quite the journey it is.
That said. We are spending the day with our siblings… playing, colouring, doing some cooking math, helping out around the house… peppered with meltdowns here and there and a massive fit over having to ‘rest’ this afternoon’.
Someday I’ll be able to look back and laugh over this. I hope.
